When your wife experiencing child-rearing neurosis, you are the one she can rely on the most. You have to deal with it before the relationship between parent and child becomes worse.
In this article, we would like to introduce what you should do for your wife, and what you should avoid saying to her.
Let’s try to find a solution to the frustration of her who is experiencing child-rearing neurosis, as well as the fatigue of work, without overdoing it.
What should you do for your wife with child-rearing neurosis?
When your wife feels like she’s in a child-raising neurosis, “she gets angry with your child out of emotion”, and “she gives up everything at child-rearing and her current life.”
Raising a child alone without a homebirth can lead to a lack of sleep and neurosis due to crying at night. At times like this, there are things you should do for her.
“Listen and give affirmation and praise.”
When you are working, there are certain opportunities to increase your sense of self-affirmation, such as being recognized by your boss, getting a promotion or raise in salary, or passing a certification exam.
However, when she’s raising a baby, she spends so much time with your child that she loses sight of who she is.
When you come home from work, please make sure that you listen to your wife, even if it is only for five minutes. Then, say a few kind words to her, “Thank you for your hard work.”
“Bring her sweets and tea.”
She may prepare snacks and tea for your children, but she rarely asks someone else to prepare them for her. It makes her happy when you suddenly bring her something. Sometimes, it’s okay to bring her sweets from convenience stores or a cup of good coffee.
“Your partner takes the kids out.”
When she is feeling child-raising neurosis, many women just want to relax at home where they can relax the most, laze around without anyone bothering them, and take care of whatever is bothering them at their own pace.
If they go out, they will be more tired because they will have to go home and do things at home. If you take your kids out, you will understand some of the difficulties of going out and having to deal with all the baggage when she is out with children.
You may think, “I’m tired from work, why do I have to do so much?” However, it is very stressful to live a life where she can’t do everything at her own pace more than she thinks.
We hope that you will follow up with her who is suffering from childcare neurosis, even if it is just a little bit.
Be careful! What not to say to your wife who is experiencing child-rearing neurosis
When a woman is in child-rearing neurosis, her emotions run high and she reacts sensitively to even the slightest thing. It is important to know what not to say to your wife so that you can stay calm at home.
If you say something to your wife that you don’t understand when she is feeling neurotic about raising your child, it can lead to a sexless relationship and even divorce if you are not careful. We’ll go into a little more detail for each of the NG statements.
“What have you been doing all day?”
Depending on how she takes it, it could sound like, “I envy you for having so much free time every day!” If that’s the case, I’d like you to rephrase it and ask, “How are the kids today?” or “Are you tired? It’s better to ask her how they are doing.
“Would you like to take over childcare & housework and work?”
Most of the women also have a lot of experience in the workforce. We know that working puts a lot of stress on our relationships and responsibilities. Still, we get frustrated every day when we can’t do everything at our own pace.
Even if you don’t understand how hard it is to raise a child & do housework, please don’t make fun of it.
“Whose help is it that you’re having meals?”
From the wife’s point of view, it’s “Thanks to whom do you get to wear well-kept clothes and you have lunch box every day?” Married couples are built on cooperation, so don’t talk about how you are the only one working hard. If you are not good at this, her love for you will quickly cool down.
“I feel sorry for the kids if you yell at them like that!”
“You are not mature enough to get angry!”
From the wife’s point of view, “I don’t want to be told such things by you who hardly ever takes care of the child! It’s not the same as occasionally taking care of the child!” Get in between the child and the wife and calmly tell the child to calm down while accepting the wife’s feelings.
There are many aspects of both housework and child-rearing that men do not see, and they may wonder why she is upset about such things. However, please understand that there are many things that they are struggling with.
This is also a scene where you can properly show your father’s presence, so please remain calm and be a mediator between your wife and children.
What can a wife do to overcome child-rearing neurosis and make it work for both of you?
For a wife to overcome child-rearing neurosis, it is not possible for the husband alone to follow through. Of course, the wife herself has to change as well.
Parenting is not just for mothers. The husband and wife should talk together and try to find the right compromise.
“Your wife should be specific about what she wants you to do.
It is hard for men to understand what your wife wants without saying it. It is better to ask for help from you each time she feels frustrated with childcare. And it is important to praise and say “thank you” each time without taking it for granted.
“You should accept your wife and cooperate in what you can.”
Whether your wife is in a child-rearing neurosis or not, try to help with child-rearing as much as you can. However, it is difficult for you to meet all of your wife’s needs since you have to work. Talk together and try to find a good compromise.
“Find someone you can turn to when you both feel like you’re in over your heads.”
It is reassuring to have someone you can rely on when your wife is feeling neurotic about childcare and you are exhausted from work. If both parents’ homes are far away, make good use of daycare centers, family support, and babysitters.
Asking your mother (or mother-in-law) to participate in childcare may have the opposite effect. It is safer to ask your wife in advance. There are times when you are both in any state of mind. Acknowledge each other’s efforts and cooperate with each other.
In this article, we introduced what you should do when your wife is feeling neurotic about childcare, what you should avoid saying, and how to make the marriage work.
There are many things that don’t go as planned in child-rearing, and there are also many things that cause hesitation.
If you keep raising the level of child-rearing to “this is the way it has to be” or “I want to make sure there are meals, nap time, and outings,” you and your wife will only make it harder on yourselves.
Try to spend your days with a relaxed mind, thinking that children don’t always turn out the way you want them to.