What Not To Say To Someone With Infertility

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Many people around the world are greatly affected by this health condition called infertility. This is defined as the inability to conceive a pregnancy after a year of engaging in sexual intercourse without contraception. According to several statistical reports, about 15% of couples are having difficulties in conceiving, and about 9% of men and 10% of women aged 15 to 44 reported having infertility problems in the United States.

In this article, we will discuss why infertility can be a stressful experience, what are the things you should avoid saying to those struggling with this condition, and how you can provide comfort and encouragement to them. Keep reading!

The Things You Should Avoid to Say

If you know someone or a couple who are struggling in conceiving and having infertility problems, perhaps you have tried to send a motivating message to them as you try to give them hope. But, this topic can be really sensitive for them. Maybe the thing that you think is good for them to hear can be the opposite for them. In this section, here are the things you should avoid saying when you are talking to someone with this condition:

Just wait and see because you’ll get pregnant.

One of the major things that you need to avoid bringing up in a conversation with some who have infertility problems is telling them to ’wait and see.’ This will leave the struggling loved one feeling insufficient and worthless. Also, it can heighten the possibility of stress to them if they can’t manage to get pregnant. They will also feel anxiety and disappointment.

You can try adoption.

Child adoption is not a simple method. It can be expensive and challenging for couples who are having problems in having a biological family. Plus, it can take many years to get through the adoption process. They also need to make some adjustments in meeting with the baby, toddler, or child. So, this is not always an option for them.

You will get pregnant if you try to adopt.

Actually, this is a myth based on a coincidence and there has not been any accurate research study on this idea. Thus, there is no truth about getting pregnant after undergoing child adoption.

If it’s meant to happen, it will happen.

Several people may think that infertility can be viewed as part of an overshadowing plan made for them. However, others actually don’t believe in this kind of belief. So, saying this statement can form a discouragement to the struggling loved ones if they keep on failing in conceiving.

You are still young. There’s a lot of time for you to get pregnant.

Studies have shown that when women hit the age of 35, they are more likely to have a greater chance of pregnancy complications and infertility. But before you tell this type of statement to your friend, you need to learn and understand that each one of us can have varying reproductive cycles age compared to the remaining parts of our bodies. Thus, our biological clocks can be different and not similar to one another. There are some infertile couples who are in their mid-twenties as well. 

Having kids can be stressful and expensive so that’s ok.

Don’t think that this statement can cheer your struggling loved one up when they could not get pregnant for some time. They might feel that you are not empathetic and you don’t care for them. So, remember to avoid adding fuel to the fire or worsening their feelings.

How to Provide Comfort and Encouragement For Those Who are Struggling with Infertility

What are some ways in which you can provide comfort and encouragement to your loved ones who are struggling to conceive? In this part, we provide some simple ways that you can help them. 

Be an empathetic listener

Empathy is defined by Webster’s New Collegiate Dictionary as “the capacity for participation in another’s feelings or ideas.” While the word ‘listen’ means “to hear with thoughtful attention.” So, you need to pay your full attention while talking to the struggling loved one as you share in his or her thoughts and feelings. Stay focused on what your friend is saying to you. While listening, try to nod your head and use expressions of affirmations like ‘I see’ and ‘I understand.’

Show understanding

Like what is mentioned earlier, providing enthusiastic suggestions in their situation to solve their issues can have a negative effect. Rather than feeling relieved, your struggling friends will feel that they have still not unburned themselves, that they still carry their disappointments. So, acknowledge their difficulties and the depth of their distress. Listen carefully to the meaning behind their words to understand their situation carefully.

Ask if they need anything

Whether it is getting groceries or joining them in eating lunch or having a small conversation in a cafe, always try your best to check on your friends and if they need anything. You can offer some ways to assist them specifically.


Despite many people, like some of our friends or relatives, are struggling with infertility and getting pregnant, we can minimize their stress and burden if we avoid the aforementioned things in this article that you should avoid saying to them. Thus, you should give them comfort and encouragement through your strengthening words and actions such as being an empathetic listener and understanding friend to them.  

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