Stranger Anxiety: Is Your Baby Unhappy Unless It Is in Someone’s Arms?

new born baby crying

Many mothers may have such a problem that their babies start crying as soon as they stop holding them in their arms. They spend a lot of time holding their babies in order to make them stop crying, and if this situation continues, they may worry that their babies will be unhappy unless it is in someone’s arms.

Is it true that if you rely on holding your baby all the time, he or she will be unhappy unless it is in someone’s arms?

And what are the consequences of developing a habit?

When will he/she be unhappy unless it is in someone’s arms?

You may have an image that it is not good for your baby to be unhappy unless it is in someone’s arms. First, let’s check out the characteristics of the habit.

How long after birth will your baby be unhappy unless it is in someone’s arms?

Generally speaking, it is said that the habit begins to develop at about two months of age.

The eyes of a newborn baby can only see things vaguely, but their eyesight gradually develops, and around 2 months of age, they begin to look into the eyes of people nearby and smile.

Sensitive to the facial expressions and attitudes of their parents, newborns respond to their parents by spoiling them and crying, and they are in a good mood when held in their arms. From that time on, babies begin to develop the habit of crying when they want to be held by their parents and stop crying when held by their parents.

When will your baby be happy without being in someone’s arms?

At about 9 months of age, babies begin to crawl and play on their own. Although there are individual differences, the frequency of requests to hold the baby will gradually decrease around this time.

Even if the baby has developed the habit, the habit will naturally disappear by the time the baby is 3 years old.

When you hold your baby a lot, does your baby gets used to it?

A long time ago, there seemed to be an opinion that holding your baby all the time was not good because it would lead your baby to be unhappy unless it is in someone’s arms.

The opinion that it is too much spoiling.

Some people believe that holding a baby all the time, every time he or she cries is spoiling the baby. Babies mistakenly believe that if they cry loudly, their needs will be met, and they will cry and beg to be held in order to satisfy their desires.

The opinion that the child should be raised strictly

Until now, some have feared that if they hold and care for their babies every time they cry, they will grow up to be selfish children.

The general view was that in order to discipline children properly, we should teach them from the time they are babies that sometimes things do not go their way and raise them strictly.

No need to worry about the habit. Explaining the Benefits of Holding Your Baby

Yes, you may be concerned about the opinion that you would be spoiling your baby if you hold him or her every time he or she cries. However, there is no need to worry. It is now recommended that you hold your baby a lot.

Holding is the first step in developing social skills

In fact, it is very important for a baby’s development to be held when he or she wants to be and to have his or her wishes fulfilled.

Hugging is the best form of physical contact that allows you to feel each other’s warmth and heartbeat, providing comfort and security. This is why babies cry and demand to be held by their mothers or fathers whenever they feel uncomfortable or anxious.

For babies, however, being held is more than just physical contact; it is also an important way to build a good relationship with their parents and develop independence and social skills.

Babies cannot express their feelings in words, so they have no choice but to cry when they want to be held. When the baby’s parents respond to the baby’s request, the baby develops trust that “this person understands my feelings” and “this person will protect me”.

This kind of trust is called “attachment formation,” and is considered to be the first step in fostering social skills for the child to become independent. With stable attachment formation with parents, children can have compassion and love for those around them and develop social skills to build smooth relationships.

Attachment formation is not something that is completed overnight but is created through the daily accumulation of reassurance that one’s needs will be met by one’s parents.

It is feared that if sufficient attachment is not formed between parents during the baby’s childhood, the baby may become emotionally unstable and lack compassion and concern for others.

Thus, the habit of being held, which is the basis of attachment formation, is not a bad thing; it is necessary for babies to develop social skills.


You may be worried about the habit your baby will be unhappy unless he/she is in someone’s arms, however, you don’t need to worry about it. It’s an important step to developing the relationship and trust between you and your baby. Your baby will grow up without the habit eventually.

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